I don't blog much any more. I wish I spent more time writing, but doesn't time get away? It was a tumultuous 2015, a massive learning curve, a year of changes and risk taking and new directions. I tried really hard to just take things as they came and I got better as I went. I was proud of myself for becoming more aware of my own thoughts and what I was feeling and I felt a real change in myself because I know myself better than I did. But enough on that, I just wanted to set the scene a bit about where I am just now.
In August last year we decided to give IVF one last hurrah. We jumped in feet first and decided that whatever the outcome, this was it. So I became a full on druggy once again, pumped myself full of meds and of course promptly developed Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome for the second time. I was expecting it this time, and at least I didn't also need to cope with getting a shitty number of eggs and no embryos this time. After 5 days we had 6 embryos ready to test to check for abnormalities. Don't get me wrong, we are in no way worried about raising a child with special needs, but the thought is that my body will not grow the embryos if there are chromosomal issues. After what felt like forever, my specialist rang with the good news that we had 3 good embryos, frozen and waiting for us. These will henceforth be known as Ice Ice Babies 1, 2 and 3.
Ice Ice Baby 1 was transferred in early September. I wrote about my ongoing battle with addiction to Home Pregnancy tests in my last blog, and sadly after posting it that sweet second pink line faded. The cycle ended and I was dubious about going again. I think I officially lost hope. If I couldn't get Ice Ice Baby 1 to stick, knowing he or she was perfectly formed, what was wrong with me? I accessed some counselling through the IVF clinic and I accepted her advice. Do one more round and then leave things for a good long while. Make the decision to not make a decision to finish or not. Sounded like I could manage that.
In early November we started our final round of IVF for a while. I think I approached it with a bit of a 'let's just get it over with' attitude, but I figured I'd change it up a little and throw acupuncture into the mix. I find it super relaxing and it was nice to just have time to relax and focus on getting through the round.
Transfer day snuck up on us, and before I knew it, I had my legs in stirrups and once again I was baring my wares to the lady whose kids we've put through very expensive schools, judging by how much we've paid her over the years. We chatted amiably throughout what would have to be one of the most awkward situations one can find one's self in.
They showed us our lovely blastocyst (Ice Ice Baby 2) on the screen and then we all prepared for take off. In it went and off we tootled to have a cuppa and go to acupuncture. "I feel...different..." I whispered to Glen on our way out. I felt weirdly alien, and I had a funny inkling this might be THE one. I dared not hope because I've had A feeling before, but this was the first time I had had THIS feeling. I put it out of my head and went about my business for a week, until finally testing day was upon us.
I peed on my first test about 3 days before the end of my cycle and of course there was a faint second line. I figured it was the HCG shot still, so I tried to calm the storm of excitement rising in me. The next day I tested again, and decided if the line wasn't darker I wouldn't test again. I weed and left the test on the counter whilst I went to find clothes for the day and figured about 3 minutes had gone past.
I glanced at the test.
I did a double take.
I picked it up and gave it a shake.
Two pink lines. Darker than yesterday.
I'm freaking pregnant! Well, I'll be damned.
Armistead Baby number 3 is due to arrive on the 4th of August, 2016.
Lucky we gave it one last shot.